Swine flu???

Gosh...!
I can't afford to possess such!!!

Not now!
Not anytime actually...
I'm kind of paranoid with what had just happened a while ago...

I went to Migs' BF's birthday in Novaliches. I woke up at around 11:30am because we had a very fantastic bonding last night. Anyway, Dondon came just in time. But I haven't taken a bath yet so he waited for SOME time (hehehe). I don't what's with me that morning but I'm kind of very tired. My muscle are all painful.

When Dondon and I were walking towards the jeepney ride to Novaliches, we drank and ate some shakes and fries first. Then, we went to the exact house (after some personal struggles...hehehe). I almost pissed off the party. I mean I'm really not in the mood to party - singing and eating a lot - that time. I feel very sick. My throat's kind of burning that's why I requested for more that a dozen glasses of cold water (thinking it can help). Afterwards, I feel really hot. I had experienced runny nose and difficult cough. I was really paranoid the. I feel I was infected with the well-known A(H1N1) virus. Almost all the symptoms manifested on me that time and that was disturbing.

Migs, Mark and Dondon kept on asking me if I'm still fine. I felt better after we went to mass (although we really didn't listen to any of the part). So, I concluded that it was a pulse alarm!!! At least...

I thought the rest of the night was already good. Until when Mark (Migs' BF) messed up the night. He went on ignoring our pressence and I think he doesn't like me (specifically) anymore because of merely practical jokes. Very sensitive?

Anyway, I just want to share this day with you.

Thank God it's nothing...

Back to School...

It was like an exciting party every time the school time arrives back when I was still in elementary and high school...

I always want to look good, have new stuffs, meet new people, and start everything the new way. I remember back then that by this time, I usually wanted to bring all my things to school although I know I will not be needing those for that day. I just wanted those with me to show my classmates and close friends simply that I possess those. At least, in my high school years, I started to change that kind of attitude. The reason behind that change is because my family didn't have the guts to buy me new things. Funny though, I still wanted new bag every school years' start.

I can still remember I'm really happy going to school especially when it just starting.

Maybe, the principle of marginal utility can be applied on the school life. When you're saturated with your academic life in school, you'll end up not liking it anymore. Anything in school maybe, has a saturation point. In academic life, maybe the saturation point is by mid-September. Just a theory...

Anyway, I'm sad now. Because I'm not excited with my school life. Though I understand that elementary and high school are different in all sense from college... I just do want to rest from academic life now. I think again I'm saturated with too much "acads".

What I want by this moment is to work. I think I wanted to because I want new stuffs in life. I just feel studying is like something you do monotonously. But, I know for certain that I'll be going back to school and finish it. I just don't want to do serious "acads" now. I'll be studying still through my own little, unique ways...

Well, those reasons above are just few of my reasons that had catalyzed my final decision.

...

What's important today is that there are still many students who are excited to learn like I was before. No substantiating reasons why I think that's important...hahaha.

The Failure to start a New Goal

No.
It's fine.
Yeah. It is.

So what if I fail Math14 again. I didn't gave any efforts to it anyway.
It is a mess. I am blogging this thing out not because I'm sad about it. Truth is, I am not sad or any synonymous with such word.
I'm just regretting (I think).
If only I could have put full efforts with the course, I should have passed it.
I don't care anyway.

I'm just finally decided to continue finding some other way to get money, of course, not a scholarship again.

I will be so much punished by Zonta now.
If ever I will find some source of finance, I would love to volunteer out with the scholarship program of Zonta.
I am really ashame of what I have done with my academic life in UPLB with Zonta.
I can't accept the fact that I will beg to them again and ask for ANOTHER chance.

It's time for serious life Michael.
Now's the time.

regret!!!

It seems like yesterday when I was answering my first exercise in Math14. That exercise was very memorable because I know I perfected it. Unfortunately, our instructor lost it. She's Ma'am Jane Palacio. A very kind instructor. Of course, it is of no other intention other than criticizing her - she'll never know my blog site anyway. She's very intelligent too. My friends edna, chardie and desa once were her students and good feedbacks were heard about her kindness. But, about her way of teaching? kinda terror and suffering.

Enough with my instructor. What's with deal as of now is that I am regretting the night before later. Of course that was just yesterday - just want to be different. I had no plans of studying although I know I'll be facing my last threat the first thing in the morning. Darn!

I miss the climax of this sem. I didn't even dwell with it like what I really wanted. More pressure! I really need some motivation in pursuing more academic excellence. I'm starting to become a normal, common, ordinary UP student only.

I think I had much regrets for today. What I have one last night was enough to ruin my whole day and the rest to follow. Gosh! Where am I exactly going? I'm on a wrong track.

Regret...
Regret...
Regret...

Confused

It was,well, confusing.

I don't know why I'm feeling this.
Did he really intended it?
I hope not...

You, reader, enough reading this.
This possesses no sense at all.
I don't even know why I continue typing such nonsensical stuffs.
Darn! I don't want this kind of feeling.
It's so... (saturating adjectives here)

FUck! Nonsense!

Save me from myself

It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong
And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

He's STILL the one...

...he's still the one that i love..
...the only one i dream of...
...still the one that i kiss goodnight...


It's been months since I felt this kind of happiness. I never had imagined that I'll be happy again because of *wink*...

Anyway, I think the reason why I am in such happiness is because I feel so free to admire someone like *wink* without any judgment from anybody.

I think... therefore I am... doing what I know right for me. No matter what I do, I can't deny the fact that I STILL unto *wink*. What I know right now is that I'm happy. Happiness is something not to be compelled into silence nor denial. If you're happy, be then. As long as you do not affect negatively the people around you, why bother thinking about them?

No matter how long it was, it's worth the wait.

19

Oh my God!

I'm already nineteen years old...
It's not that I'm shocked that I grow older...
It's not the fact that next year, I'm not a teen anymore...
It's not because the society requires me to mature now...

It's actually because I can't still accept that I have to do things on my own now.

This year MUST be productive especially to my self-development and secondly to my family's.
I want to prove something to many people which adds pressure to my current status.
But, I don't really care with pressure now. I want actually people to see me with a very optimistic approach to everything... that I don't mind pressure... that I don't care with challenges and that I solve those coming struggles all by myself...

I want to welcome you with my new world now...
I call it the "OKAY principle".

Now, as much as possible (I want to reiterate that, "as much as possible"), I will be living in a new paradigm that opens new dimensions of good (or bad) things and stuffs with an "OKAY" attitude. I wanted to put into my system this new principle. If things work, then "OKAY"; if it don't, then "OKAY". I don't want to put more complications in a life that itself is already complicated. Whatever will come, I will venture with it. If things go on the way I wanted it, I'll be very happy. But, if unfortunately, it don't go along with what I planned, then I will think of it just like what American architect and inventor R. Buckminster Fulle puts life in definition. Life is like an experiment, she says. There's no failed experiments, only experiments with unexpected outcomes. And I think from those unexpected outcomes, you're opened to new sets of learning and discovery that may become better ones than what you have hypothesized.

Well, that's life actually...
This new principle of mine will never be compelled into hidden me.
I hope people will really appreciate it and will somehow also learn from this.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!

New Year's (RE) Solutions

Setting My Own New Year!!!