Omniscient Perspective

Today (Random Thoughts: 07.20.10)

2010-07-20T10:43:00.000+08:00

nakakaloka! i have this feeling na i'm not gonna be granted of what i requested for. i'm very sad today. anyway, i promised myself not to show negative attitude towards anything AGAIN! then again, NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY! what's important is that i know who are the people concerned about me, at least something about me. now i know who are the people i should prioritize.

AGAIN, NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE ANYWAY!!! just live life. you do not need to be the richest guy in the earth. nor be the most succesful individual ever known. you do not even need to do things just to impress ANYBODY! just do your part in all the undertakings that you're in. don't do less and NEVER do more -- your immediate superior would just expect from you. it's better that they would know you as someone average working employee. play the SO-SO game now, michael.

and yes! i am the average/so-so girl!.. FOR NOW! ahahahaha. wait until you see more of me. unfortunately, not here anymore.

remember: M - more people will just gradually hate you if you're always around and E - except for your family and well-assessed friends, no one would bother asking you if you're okay today? in short, remember M, remember E. put them together, remember ME! lol. ;D

what if?? this is my last day in this office???? things i want to do:

1. write some farewell letters to my chosen friends (yeah, chosen friends! chosen one => buddha? ay, enlightened one pla yun. engot?)

2. i will ask for PhP5.00 coins from each of my workmates.. (spare me a piece of coin.. hahaha. bkit? wala na akong pera e. kelangan ng BUM FUNDS. bwahaha)

3. i will have breakfast with my chosen, most treasured workmates. (treat nila. if hindi sila pumayag, edi hindi na to tuloy. Again, wala akong pera. i would rather go home and miss them than spending some bucks. hahaha)

4. i will steal 3 cellphones, 1 MP3 player, at least PhP2,000.00, and 1 CCTV camera (hahahaha.. please include 1 mouse, 1 AVR, 1 UPS, *list goes on*) bwahahaah..

5. it wont be long, i'm gonna need somebody to lean on, lean on, leeeeeeeaaaan on meee!!

*****************************

Just had lunch with glynnis and aby. Have to research about E-cigarette. hahaha. nakakatawa yun for sure! like you puffing different kinds of atomic charges. bwahaha. and take note, what's exciting about it is that it is RECHARGEABLE!!
*******************************
C - College of
A - Arts,
S - Social
S - Sciences,
A - and
N - National
D - Development for
R - Reform
A - Affairs

N - National
A - Academy of
Z - Zoology and
H - Helminthology

A - Academy of
N - Natural
G - Geology,
E - Entomology and
L - Limnology

C - College of
H - Hotel
A - and
R - Restaurant
L - Labor,
O - Operations,
T - Technology, and
T - Technical
E - Entreprenuership

S - School of
A - Agriculture and
R - Rural
A - Areas
H - Health

M - Morgan
I - Institute of
A - Anthropology

M - McGonagall
I - Institute of
C -
H - CHemistry
A - and
E -
L - ELectrical Engineering

Swine flu???

2009-06-21T23:07:00.000+08:00

Gosh...!
I can't afford to possess such!!!

Not now!
Not anytime actually...
I'm kind of paranoid with what had just happened a while ago...

I went to Migs' BF's birthday in Novaliches. I woke up at around 11:30am because we had a very fantastic bonding last night. Anyway, Dondon came just in time. But I haven't taken a bath yet so he waited for SOME time (hehehe). I don't what's with me that morning but I'm kind of very tired. My muscle are all painful.

When Dondon and I were walking towards the jeepney ride to Novaliches, we drank and ate some shakes and fries first. Then, we went to the exact house (after some personal struggles...hehehe). I almost pissed off the party. I mean I'm really not in the mood to party - singing and eating a lot - that time. I feel very sick. My throat's kind of burning that's why I requested for more that a dozen glasses of cold water (thinking it can help). Afterwards, I feel really hot. I had experienced runny nose and difficult cough. I was really paranoid the. I feel I was infected with the well-known A(H1N1) virus. Almost all the symptoms manifested on me that time and that was disturbing.

Migs, Mark and Dondon kept on asking me if I'm still fine. I felt better after we went to mass (although we really didn't listen to any of the part). So, I concluded that it was a pulse alarm!!! At least...

I thought the rest of the night was already good. Until when Mark (Migs' BF) messed up the night. He went on ignoring our pressence and I think he doesn't like me (specifically) anymore because of merely practical jokes. Very sensitive?

Anyway, I just want to share this day with you.

Thank God it's nothing...

Back to School...

2009-06-01T09:32:00.002+08:00

It was like an exciting party every time the school time arrives back when I was still in elementary and high school...

I always want to look good, have new stuffs, meet new people, and start everything the new way. I remember back then that by this time, I usually wanted to bring all my things to school although I know I will not be needing those for that day. I just wanted those with me to show my classmates and close friends simply that I possess those. At least, in my high school years, I started to change that kind of attitude. The reason behind that change is because my family didn't have the guts to buy me new things. Funny though, I still wanted new bag every school years' start.

I can still remember I'm really happy going to school especially when it just starting.

Maybe, the principle of marginal utility can be applied on the school life. When you're saturated with your academic life in school, you'll end up not liking it anymore. Anything in school maybe, has a saturation point. In academic life, maybe the saturation point is by mid-September. Just a theory...

Anyway, I'm sad now. Because I'm not excited with my school life. Though I understand that elementary and high school are different in all sense from college... I just do want to rest from academic life now. I think again I'm saturated with too much "acads".

What I want by this moment is to work. I think I wanted to because I want new stuffs in life. I just feel studying is like something you do monotonously. But, I know for certain that I'll be going back to school and finish it. I just don't want to do serious "acads" now. I'll be studying still through my own little, unique ways...

Well, those reasons above are just few of my reasons that had catalyzed my final decision.

...

What's important today is that there are still many students who are excited to learn like I was before. No substantiating reasons why I think that's important...hahaha.

The Failure to start a New Goal

2009-03-31T09:46:00.003+08:00

No.
It's fine.
Yeah. It is.

So what if I fail Math14 again. I didn't gave any efforts to it anyway.
It is a mess. I am blogging this thing out not because I'm sad about it. Truth is, I am not sad or any synonymous with such word.
I'm just regretting (I think).
If only I could have put full efforts with the course, I should have passed it.
I don't care anyway.

I'm just finally decided to continue finding some other way to get money, of course, not a scholarship again.

I will be so much punished by Zonta now.
If ever I will find some source of finance, I would love to volunteer out with the scholarship program of Zonta.
I am really ashame of what I have done with my academic life in UPLB with Zonta.
I can't accept the fact that I will beg to them again and ask for ANOTHER chance.

It's time for serious life Michael.
Now's the time.

regret!!!

2009-03-27T10:59:00.001+08:00

It seems like yesterday when I was answering my first exercise in Math14. That exercise was very memorable because I know I perfected it. Unfortunately, our instructor lost it. She's Ma'am Jane Palacio. A very kind instructor. Of course, it is of no other intention other than criticizing her - she'll never know my blog site anyway. She's very intelligent too. My friends edna, chardie and desa once were her students and good feedbacks were heard about her kindness. But, about her way of teaching? kinda terror and suffering.

Enough with my instructor. What's with deal as of now is that I am regretting the night before later. Of course that was just yesterday - just want to be different. I had no plans of studying although I know I'll be facing my last threat the first thing in the morning. Darn!

I miss the climax of this sem. I didn't even dwell with it like what I really wanted. More pressure! I really need some motivation in pursuing more academic excellence. I'm starting to become a normal, common, ordinary UP student only.

I think I had much regrets for today. What I have one last night was enough to ruin my whole day and the rest to follow. Gosh! Where am I exactly going? I'm on a wrong track.

Regret...
Regret...
Regret...

Confused

2009-03-21T21:48:00.001+08:00

It was,well, confusing.

I don't know why I'm feeling this.
Did he really intended it?
I hope not...

You, reader, enough reading this.
This possesses no sense at all.
I don't even know why I continue typing such nonsensical stuffs.
Darn! I don't want this kind of feeling.
It's so... (saturating adjectives here)

FUck! Nonsense!

Save me from myself

2009-03-01T22:54:00.001+08:00

It's not so easy loving me
It gets so complicated
All the things you gotta be
Everything's changing
But you're the truth
I'm amazed by all your patience
Everything I put you through

when I'm about to fall
Somehow you're always waiting with
Your open arms to catch me
You're gonna save me from myself
From myself, yes
You're gonna save me from myself

My love is tainted by your touch
Well some guys have shown me aces
But you've got that royal flush
I know it's crazy everyday
Well tomorrow may be shaky
But you never turn away

Don't ask me why I'm crying
'Cause when I start to crumble
You know how to keep me smiling
You always save me from myself
From myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

I know it's hard, it's hard
But you've broken all my walls
You've been my strength, so strong
And don't ask me why I love you

It's obvious your tenderness
Is what I need to make me
A better woman to myself
To myself, myself
You're gonna save me from myself

He's STILL the one...

2009-02-18T23:37:00.006+08:00

...he's still the one that i love..
...the only one i dream of...
...still the one that i kiss goodnight...

It's been months since I felt this kind of happiness. I never had imagined that I'll be happy again because of *wink*...

Anyway, I think the reason why I am in such happiness is because I feel so free to admire someone like *wink* without any judgment from anybody.

I think... therefore I am... doing what I know right for me. No matter what I do, I can't deny the fact that I STILL unto *wink*. What I know right now is that I'm happy. Happiness is something not to be compelled into silence nor denial. If you're happy, be then. As long as you do not affect negatively the people around you, why bother thinking about them?

No matter how long it was, it's worth the wait.

19

2009-01-08T14:29:00.001+08:00

Oh my God!

I'm already nineteen years old...
It's not that I'm shocked that I grow older...
It's not the fact that next year, I'm not a teen anymore...
It's not because the society requires me to mature now...

It's actually because I can't still accept that I have to do things on my own now.

This year MUST be productive especially to my self-development and secondly to my family's.
I want to prove something to many people which adds pressure to my current status.
But, I don't really care with pressure now. I want actually people to see me with a very optimistic approach to everything... that I don't mind pressure... that I don't care with challenges and that I solve those coming struggles all by myself...

I want to welcome you with my new world now...
I call it the "OKAY principle".

Now, as much as possible (I want to reiterate that, "as much as possible"), I will be living in a new paradigm that opens new dimensions of good (or bad) things and stuffs with an "OKAY" attitude. I wanted to put into my system this new principle. If things work, then "OKAY"; if it don't, then "OKAY". I don't want to put more complications in a life that itself is already complicated. Whatever will come, I will venture with it. If things go on the way I wanted it, I'll be very happy. But, if unfortunately, it don't go along with what I planned, then I will think of it just like what American architect and inventor R. Buckminster Fulle puts life in definition. Life is like an experiment, she says. There's no failed experiments, only experiments with unexpected outcomes. And I think from those unexpected outcomes, you're opened to new sets of learning and discovery that may become better ones than what you have hypothesized.

Well, that's life actually...
This new principle of mine will never be compelled into hidden me.
I hope people will really appreciate it and will somehow also learn from this.

Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!

New Year's (RE) Solutions

2009-01-07T11:29:00.000+08:00

Setting My Own New Year!!!

2009-01-01T13:50:00.000+08:00

Welcome my 18th Christmas!

2008-12-23T20:05:00.004+08:00

Two nights to go and I'll be celebrating my 18th christmas...

By this time, back then, I am already feeling some tingling excitement for the real christmas celebration... there's something in the breeze of the morning and dawn... there's a different sensation in every place i visit... there's a unique happiness everyone feel by that time... i don't why, what and how?... but i just can feel it...

I could still remember how happy i was back then when i'm just 7, 8 or 9 thinking that it's almost near christmas. I always get satisfied with everything I receive within the whole celebration. I really appreciate big gifts and extravagant generosity from my godparents. No christmas season that I collected less tha I expected.

Not until I was 14, 15 or 16 that I noticed certain changes in my christmas celebration. As an assessment, maybe it was just because of the Law of Diminishing Marginal Returns, or of the rapid inflation rate increase in the country, or an invisible economic recession, or the decline of products' value, or just merely climate change. For whatever reason, what i only know is that i started not to get enough contentment every christmas season from that phase of my life. Sad? Really sad... I also noticed that something changed in me personally. I started to be shy collecting gifts - maybe i had thought i'm old enough to celebrate such season.

Recession? Yeah... Maybe... Recession of excitement and crave for christmas celebration...

Xmas Change

2008-12-10T11:19:00.004+08:00

it was a gloomy night back then... yeah, it was almost Christmas... maybe 11:45pm... i saw myself lying beside our bed... i wanted to sleep that night, but i can't...

i was thinking for the best wish i'll be having that year... one wish that could change my life... a wish that would make me a "new me"...

still, i'm lonely... is everything just a masked life? why am i that lonely?... i'm not used to be like that when people are around me... is everything fine?

UPLB Forestry Society's Birthday!!!

2008-11-17T20:16:00.004+08:00

Today is the 26th anniversary!!!

THE BEST ENVIRONMENTAL-ACADEMIC ORGANIZATION OF UPLB!!!

obviously still and forever will be the best society in its mother college, the College of Forestry and Natural Resources, and all over the university...

the unique thing in this society is that we're not just merely brothers and sisters... rather we are a family sharing diverse and adverse history, cultures, opinions, interests, and personalities but are committed in unity and never-ending intimacy for each other... exact differences, contradicting manners, contrasting lifestyles, different views... we don't deny differences... instead, we celebrate those!

this society initiated me in a new world of reality... being in this university, it is mandatory to live on your own, based on what you want... i'm just so grateful that i've chosen the right one... the one that, i know, i will never regret instead be proud of...

just want to thank UPLB Forestry Society for honing my personality for development and betterment... no words can exactly express what excellence this society possesses... because excellence is such an understatement...

LONG LIVE UPLB FORESTRY SOCIETY!!!

Oedipus Rex: Innocent or Guilty?

2008-11-12T11:36:00.001+08:00

For a very long time, a case of some crime must be studied and analyzed before a decision must be finalized. Many notorious people are recognized guilty even though they are not. Some crime-doers who truly did the act were excused. Unfair though, we have to accept that circumstances and external factors affect the decision regarding the crimes that we are experiencing these days.

In the recent reading we had in our Hum1 class, Oedipus maybe considered innocent or guilty depending on the context and view that we will be using. Based on my long reflection and assessment of Oedipus’ situation regarding the crimes he was blamed, I personally believe that he is innocent. He was accused of patricide and incest for killing his own father and being his mother’s husband respectively. He, himself, has done the crimes actually that is why he really may be responsible of the acts. But we can think of the possibility that he really don’t want to render such. He was just affected by the so-called destiny, prophecy, and faith. It was not denied in the drama that a prophecy will be occurring. He just doesn’t know his true identity that he had contributed o the success of the prophecy. If only he knew his real identity, many things might have changed. In fact, there will be no crimes must have been committed. He is of just innocence because he really doesn’t want to let the prophecy materialize yet it happened because he didn’t knew he was relating with his true parents.

Oedipus situation maybe considered one of the most abused and misused of justice. His acts may be really unethical and must be punished. But, in these certain cases, we have to soundly consider circumstances and reasons. If his lack of knowledge had really put him on this, we have to consider the fact that he sincerely didn’t really want to commit such crimes. In every rule, there are exceptions. This case must be considered as an exception in the guilty criminal activities because of a very valid reason.

He is innocent because he doesn’t even know that he’s already doing the act itself. Even though he had committed such crime unknowingly, he didn’t mean to do it so. It was stated in the situation that he wanted to overcome the prophecy. Such act means that he didn’t want to commit the crime. For that sincerest fact that he didn’t want to let the prophecy get on its way, I think therefore, he can be excused for the mistakes he had done for he really didn’t want it to happen. I also believe that punishments must be rendered to those who intended to directly offer crimes to others because of their bad virtues.

He may have not done it if he had the full knowledge of his identity. Regarding the flow of the story, he, himself, thinks hat he was guilty of what he have done. But while deepening on the drama’s context, how everyone including himself can blame and accused him of crimes that he didn’t even know he was doing already. Aside from that, it is already said in the prophecy that it will happen. They may have the power to overcome it but, likewise, they may also not have such power to escape in he said prophecy. Meaning, instead of accusing and blaming, the most right thing they could have done is preparing their selves whenever it will take part in their lives and accepting that they may not have the secret act that could overpower the prophecy.

My stand regarding Oedipus’ case can be concluded with the realization that not all who commit mistakes really mean it. We have to really reflect and consider many factors before giving a final generalization.

the tale of dormates...

2008-11-10T09:58:00.002+08:00

"...people who will read this unfinished will die after 3 days..."

It was not horrifying when i read it. After i had seen some part of it, i abruptly deleted the message from my cellphone... i know, this is just one of the most common SMS one might received each day. Some, in fact, demands you to forward the message to all the people you know. How pathetic?

...MESSAGE DELETED...

"michael!..." ooops... i heard someone's calling me. but i can't find them. them? yeah... i think 'their' not just one. Maybe, that's her with her friends. i am waiting here alone in this park waiting for her because we really need to talk according to her. Yeah... she's odessa. She had sent me an SMS stating that she has a terrible problem and wanted my opinion regarding it. I've been waiting for about an hour now. I hope the one yelling my precious name is odessa now.

"michael!..." Now, I saw them. Them, without odessa. it's kind of annoying now. i think odessa is a real talk-shit. or she's just facing another problem now... whatever?!

"michael!..." the group that was calling me for a bit long time was my dormates. as usual, i think i need to prepare myself for an enjoying talk. we always do that. we're always happy together. we're almost brothers and sisters and not just mere dormates. we love each other like a family. not only because we're living in one roof, but also because we feel mutual exchanges that only families do. and now their coming right to the bench i am sitting. leizel, beth, jimma, migs, edwin, whilz and macky. i think they have already had their snacks. they seemed so full. we're always a little bit silent when we're full and super wacky when super hungry. contradicting right? that's how unique we are. okay, and now they're on my front - jimma, migs, macky, beth, and whilz - and on my side - edwin and leizel.

"michael..." oooohhh... some kind of a fishy secret revelation huh... they're low toned now. they don't seemed to fit in a low toned personality... a little bit funny. anyways, they continue...

"michael..." creepy... "odessa is dead..."

"michael... don't get with the plot... they're just joking... the usual practical jokes they do... don't believe! of course it's a joke." i told myself. they can't fool me. i'm a veteran when it comes to that.

"michael... she was found dead lying on her bead..."
"michael... with her cellphone beside her..."
"michael... we suspect an SMS killed her..."
"michael... the message states that whomever will read that message unfinished will be dead 3 days after..."
"michael... odessa received it last tuesday..."
"michael... and now she's dead!"

my cellphone suddenly vibrated destroying the creepy silence that seemed to surround the whole park... i received an SMS.

"michael... prepare!" damn horror move all over my collective spine. get off me! i want to shout. but, it's over now. the sender was odessa...

another message came... from odessa again...

"michael... prepare..." the messages that followed it made me want to kill them all... and die as soon as possible... made me wish they're all dead - my dormates.

the message continue... "prepare... to laugh... everything's a joke!..."

Death's Second Self

2008-11-02T21:19:00.002+08:00

I've been searching for a good dream that night...

I failed to do so... Still, I'm awake.

The usual night I had for days... Morning came...

Thank God. My friends visited me a while ago. A past classmate celebrated his birthday, Michael Zafra.

We went there for some smoke and drinks... as always "gran ma"... I actually had fun.

Ironically, after so, we went to church. Yeah, it's Sunday! I think it's a good thing. After a sin, ask for forgiveness...

I was kind of disturbed with the priest's homily this time. (Necessary digression, last week, we went to UP Church, I had concluded that the priest's sermon was very shallow.) Tonight's homily was very moving...

I love the quote that he had stated at the middle part of his sermon, "...ang kamatayan at pagtanda ay hindi dapat maging sanhi ng takot bagkus ng paglagok... hindi dapat ituring na isang daan na dapat tahakin bagkus dapat yakapin..." He said that he quoted it from a book called "Aging".

Quite true right?! I had learned from my highschool years a saying, "...paano mo maiintindihan ang kamatayan kung hindi mo pa naiintindihan ang buhay..." I think I really don't need to think about death and aging and all the things related to it. Although I believe I need to be futuristic somehow, I wanted to live each day as the very sole moment I have. I wanted to cherish every minute of my life. Living my life to the fullest will be my goal this time. I realized that it is not that bad to cope with the changes around you (whether good or bad). You'll be more intellectual if you will experience everything that can be experienced! Remember, experience is the best teacher. That's why I wanted to, at least, have a little knowledge of everything (even if it's wrong).

At least, if I'll die, I will never regret anything for I have done all the things I wanted to do even if I'll be miserable in a way.

I was really struck by the priest's homily. I was really happy that I went to church this night! Not a wrong choice.

Death's Second Self: It is, according to Prof. Yapo, is the phase of life that you reminisce all the moments you have gone through... I wanted my death's second life to be of pure happiness... only happiness... although I'll be reminiscing sad moments and mistakes, at least, I have done what I really wanted. I'll be satisfied!

Death... certainty of its coming, but uncertainty of its occurrence...

alone!

2008-10-25T20:23:00.001+08:00

sitting here in the front of the computer rented PhP10 per hour, not hearing (rather ignoring) noise from the peole doing their own stuffs including the well-known DoTA...

i'm with them inside a very (in)convenient four-sided room just at the back of our house... i'm at home once again, yeah... but, why do i feel such boredom and sarcastic loneliness... i feel so alone... i have nobody to talk to... why? i don't find anybody to talk about life as a whole... people here are very surfacial, they won't understand my thoughts... they can never jive with my paradigms as well as my perspective... not because it's really omniscient, just because it's some kind of analysis... i wanted somebody to lean on... the sole feeling i have right now, is very annoying... i'm not being me... it's not me! i know myself better than any other... and i firmly conclude, i'm not being me this time...

development and progress...

i need to be productive... grrr... enough of individuality! tomorrow, will be a turning point of the moment... i need to certainly enjoy the break... i really need to...

so help me God...

Why cry?!

2008-10-17T12:53:00.000+08:00

"punyeta! bakit hindi?!..."

i really don't know what to do now...
i'm super uncertain of everything including my own plans in life!
can someone possibly help me?
i'm in very psychological need right now...

or some love...?

whatever that is... can you provide to me?...

UP or not?

2008-09-25T21:58:00.000+08:00

For the longest time ever...
i have noticed changes in me...

sadly, i never expected that UP life will be such an enormous erroneous mess...
am i hating it? that's the question i have to break... because up to this very moment i really don't know either..

i think i really love UP and the people around it... i really do... it's just that, all i wanted is to be happy and my family to be well-off in the shortest time as possible... but, look at me now, still dependent to them... i eally need to do something... i have to have a job that will help my family and will add breakthroughs to our life... i need to be happy... that's the number one rule! i have to be happy! to do so, i have to eliminate things that hinder it... including the education that i am earning in the most prestigious university of the country...

omg! if you're reading this, help me... can you just leave a comment regading this... i just don't know if i did make sense... but, i hope you would appreciate my request...

THE week!

2008-05-26T18:34:00.000+08:00

...you can't barely imagine yourself left in your dorm without any single cent in your pocket, right?...

don't dare imagine... it's the hardest thing i had experience in my life yet... imagine for a week, you don't have anything but yourself... you just beg from others just to obtain at least for your fare purposes... people, specially your dormates will just pity you and offer you to eat with them for free or many jsut treat you for your meals... you're so helpless and want to go home right away... but, your family don't have money either to let you go home...

yeah... awful... but it really did happened to me last week where i was left in our dorm (FOREHA) and have nothing but friends...

you have no one to hang on but yourself and your father, GOD!...
i would like to sincerely thank Him for everything... i have survived that week because of Him... and He will grant another wish that will make my whole life different and better...

trust in Him... believe in the power of prayers... and have your full faith in Him!
He knows whats best for you....

How Can a Little Bug Do this?

2008-04-30T13:09:00.000+08:00

a good day to everyone who are reading this...

i had a good day to day! (i just don't know if this good day will go beyond the rest of the days ahead) I had fine weeks since i started the summer classes... only thing i hate this summer is that i stayed on a dormitory i never liked ever since...

you know, that dorm was the one i can consider as the "most" competitor of our dorm (sports-wise and personally, as in personal!)... our original dorm (the dorm in the picture) is close this summer that's why i have no other choice but to stay in that hell-like dormitory... the people there are like antagonists in soap operas... and when they look at you, they always seem to be angry or they'll be doing something bad on you...

thank God because their dorm manager is so kind and sweet... she is tita gie... she's so funny and welcoming... the exact opposite of her residents...

another thing why i hate this place is that because someone had scolded us (edwin and I)... he also cursed (not referring to anyone naman)... i'm just so shocked because i had ever heard such "crunchy" curse for almost a year... he also told us that, at that specific time, he wanted to kick us because of what we did... i'm terribly surprised of his reactions... he's so mad and bad... i texted sheena immediately of what happened and asked her to bring back the posters she got when she once visited our room (another reason why kuya donald scolded us)... but, i really think that what he did was not the proper thing to do by those times... we had built unkind impression to him which i think the real thing...

anyways, maybe i'm just a little embarrassed of what he did... that's why i feel also a pinch of madness(?) to that little bug!...

i just miss my original dorm!...

My Most Challenging Day!

2008-04-18T20:23:00.000+08:00

i want to congratulate myself today!

i had been in the most challenging day of my life yet... i had thought of giving up early this morning but i'm very happy i didn't surrender!... what am i talking about?... i want to share my schedule for today... and what really had happen to my plans...

yesterday... i had orderly and systematically planned everything i'll do today... the plan was good and i think the best that could be done in the certain situation...

early in the morning i had withdraw my last money in SMDS Coop for my preparation in summer classes... simultaneously, my mom was negotiating with my certification of tax exemption from BIR which is needed for my stfap... i had also helped a little in LnK-STP while waiting for my turn in withdrawing...

after that, i went to UP-Shopping Center to photocopy many papers needed for transferring and stfap... i had eaten my snacks after... then i went first to CSWCD to pass my application form but i had learned that application was extended up to April 30... so i decided to pass the form in NCPAG first... its a very far destination actually... there had been long conversation... then i go back home...

my mom was already there... good thing!... she had the papers already... i had packed my things and went to UPLB at around 11:30am... i had arrived at 2:30pm... i have to obtain a subject before 4pm because the OUR will be close and the final registrtion is today!... thank God i found ma'am janet... she recommended me to another eng1 instructor, ma'am giz... at last, i have a subject now!... the problem is that i have to let my adviser sign on my form5a... unfortunately, my adviser is not in our college... and there are no jeepney to forestry parked in physci... so, i walk up to the intersection near never-ending bridge and waited for a jeepney to go up forestry... just like i had thought, my adviser was not there... luckily, ma'am caspila (?) signed it for my adviser... i went to NFRH and went back to OUR...

after that stressful event, i went to OSA for my stfap... i saw sheena and ana, and we had happy moments together... sheena had passed her form but had deficiencies ... so she must return on tuesday... while me and ana had given reservation numbers and we will return on wednesday... at least, we are not yet considered late filers...

i went back to our dorm (for the mean time)... hahaha... i can't believed i had survived this day!... Thank God so much for helping me throughout this challenging day!...

try all the possibilities, God knows where to put you possibly...

The Plan

2008-04-16T16:25:00.000+08:00

6:32am-i wake up because i had planned to pass my stfap form in UPLB today...

my plan was perfectly satisfied... in fact, i am here now at Dana's typing another blog... but, some parts of my plan seemed to be twisting now...

aside from the fact that OSA is not accepting stfap form this day, i had (shockingly) reserved to New FOREHA for this summer because i will be having summer class for Stat1 (hopefully)...

it is so unexpected... everything right now is unexpected... i'll be going to odessa's birthday party on thursday and will be having a meeting with zonta club of metro ortigas on friday... but, i think there's no more with those things... i can't go home now, i dont have money...

anyways, it is also unexpected because i got INC in my Hist1 class... i texted my intructor about this, she told me that i can complete it in 1 year and we will meet on june... while in my SFFG101 class, i got a grade of 2.25 (only!?)... i'm really sad... i had expected more because i believe i deserve more... sad... but it is already our final grade... and its really final...

for God be all the glory... my plan was not followed... but i know its God's plan... i may not know what He wants... but, i believe its for the better...

asia's songbird "fehlerhaft singen sie"

2008-04-05T22:59:00.000+08:00

wonder about the title?... hopefully!... so that you'll have the desire to know the meaning of that...

i am now viewing the asia's songbird's version of "listen" in YouTube... try to listen, yeah, it's funny... i laugh hard actually... how can a professional singer did this thing? she is paid for singing... it's her, according to her, passion... its her job, the only thing she knows to survive in this uncertain world... but how can she sing this song, given that it is one of the newest?... how can she let herself look idiot in front of her audience who really love her?... how can an "asia's songbird" sing and fabricating her own lyrics of the famous song?...

many questions?... yeah... i don't the answers, but why am i asking?...

for others, this performance of our very own Regine Velasquez may have been one of the funniest videos they have watched (second with Janina)... me too, actually... i laugh so much right now... but, i realized... the questions i have above... if those were critically analyze, what could be the answers?... now, i am thinking of how come regine let this thing happen?... what does she feel now?... did she want this?... did she mean/intend this?... what does she really feel deep inside?...

maybe regine feel so ashamed (not maybe, i think its a fact)... she was so ashamed because she didn't want to look kinda idiot in front of her beloved audience... she was ashamed because she didn't expect this thing to occur in a live show... she maybe think that retrieving her good reputation in singing may be so hard...

if i am to talk to her right now,... i would tell her how great she is as a singer... as a conceptualizer (if there such a word), as a designer, as a director, as a producer, as a friend, as a sister, as a daughter, and nothing else but, as herself... she's a very unique creation of God who He provided with an incredible talent... talent that He also wanted others to see... regine is such a great person and God intended everything that she possess right now... including that performance...

why? because God wanted us to see that every perfect thing can excrete erroneous things... all of us were made physically perfect like Him but not as perfect as Him... He wanted us to realize that without intimate effort to everything can cause imperfect events...

actually, i know it long before... but, i just realized that perfection must be our goal... but there's a word called excellence... even if excellence is not our goal, this can be tolerated... we can't be too perfect... we can't do things that can please all every time... we just have to be ourselves which God intended us to be...

just be myself, just be yourself... be me, be you!...

to regine velasquez, the country is very proud of you!... you had the most wonderful carer as a singer, had the best record in the industry, had been loved by many... you don't deserve the performance you've done live in SOP... you don't need it... you really don't... as much as possible don't mind it... that fehlerhaft singen sie... live your days better and do your best always!... many love you...

just be you!...

30/70

2008-04-02T16:15:00.000+08:00

many might wanted that our final Exam in Math11 would be like "all or nothing"... in IMSP, it means that when you passed the exam, you automatically pass the course... its easy especially when your pre-final standing is 58% like most of the students of EF and WX....

i actually once prayed for this to happen... it did... what i prayed for was what had happened..

but, i'm sad... why? because i could have a higher grade actually if the grading is still 30/70 and not "all or nothing"... because in 30/70, your pre-fi grade will be computed as 70% of your final grade and the final exam might help you get a higher rating because it contains the other 30% of your grade... and it was ignored,.. it's not the way they computed the final grade...

how i wish they'll compute our grade according to the 30/70 because i did well in that exam... i can surely say i had scored above average in that exam... but my effort was forsaken... when i did my best to get good grade, it's the circumstances that make the whole story, more complex...

i hate the feeling... but i can't blame anybody... as far as i can remember, i prayed for the "all or nothing" to take place in the said exam (for easier passing)... but, if only the 30/70 continued, i could have got better grade..., sad?... slight...

my flatrocks experience

2008-04-01T11:58:00.000+08:00

i had never imagined my self running very fast in a creek... getting through a deformed street... jumping over huge, sharp rocks... climbing a very steep mountain side just to escape a scary experience... it had never crossed my mind... me? doing that?... but i have done it...

it was just last sunday... we (me and 5 friends) decided to maximize our last days in dorm together... we had decided to bathe in the popular Flatrocks in UPLB... we had prepared everything for this wonderful event... actually, it would be my first time there... four of my friends are veteran in this place, they how to get there and what to expect... while me, i have no idea... i wanted this to be memorable,.. i told them, i want some real adventure... they all laugh...

now, i am, at last, at this beautifully natural designed place... the site was just so great... nature lover might have built their houses here immediately because of its unique features... to build a picture on your mind, the place is actually a river-like structure with (define) huge rocks... it is in the middle of two bundle of forest... a nice place to have your first date with your lover...

anyways,.. we started to play with the flowing water... its cold... we're enjoying the feeling... minutes passed, two boys came to the site and disappeared just some seconds (just giving the whole details).., another couples of minute passed, three men came holding 'karit' individually... a 'karit' actually, for those who don't know, is a dangerous material which is used to cut shrubs and sometimes for KILLING... scary? of course... we're scared that's why we moved from our original place down to a place which even my friends who already got there never known before... we even left our slippers there... a wallet and UP I.D. was also left there... we had passed a bundle of super large rocks which seems to had formed a 2-storey building... i had remebered what my prof in plant taxonomy told us... just weeks ago, eleven students , i think studying, went there... they were holdup... a man shouted on them commanding them not to move, surrender all their things (including cellphones and digicam) and leave the place peacefully or else... scary right?...

now, we're on a new place, we're enjoying so much... we're making music videos from my friends phone... actually we had brought three cellphones with cameras... that's why we had taken many pictures...

suddenly, we heard voices from up our original place... we thought it's just another group of people who are enjoying the place... the shouting continues... we ignored it... until the voices had got cleared to me auditory senses... the shouting was intended for us... the man commanded us not to move and shouted that they are surrounding us now... we was terribly nervous... we don't know what to do... imagine, you being surrounded by strange people who you do not see and might kill you anytime they want... one of us (not me) shouted RUN!... and we all did... you just can't imagine how have we did it... imagine the place...

thanks to our adrenalin, we had escaped that unexpected incident... God knows how much we were scared and how much we had suffer from this experience...

overall, i enjoyed... i don't know why?... when we got to our dorm, we had discovered that one of us (not me again) had texted all our dormates to call UPF... when we reached our dorm, we saw the UPF,.. i started to laugh... i had loved my first time in Flatrocks... the real adventure i had requested had granted... thanks God we survived...!

i had never imagined my self running very fast in a creek... getting through a deformed street... jumping over huge, sharp rocks... climbing a very steep mountain side just to escape a scary experience... it had never crossed my mind... me? doing that?... but i have done it...

and i loved it...

back for something else...

2008-03-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

i'm back at uplb... a difficult day that was... i had my third exam in econ11 and 1st part of my math11 pre-finals...

i'm typing my blog here in Dana's right now,..

i'm thinking of something... i don't know but i really feel cold and blue this time... my friends asked me why? i don't even had any time to reply... i don't kn0w... i'm just so sad... i don't have any perfect reason why...

by the way i had my hair cut yesterday... i wanted to have a picture but i'm just too tired to look for the camera.., i missed my home and my family as well..., i'm not in a good mood... i don't even want to type right this time actually... just for the sake of sharing this kind of feeling..

i'll be reviewing FBS21 lecture, field and table exam for tomorrow... (what a day?)
on Wednesday, i'll be having my exams on SoSc2, Hist1 and the 2nd part of my math11 pre-finals...

till next time...

question?

2008-03-21T11:17:00.000+08:00

why is it that the date and time setting in my blogsite is wrong? how can i change it? any help there?!!!!

The First

2008-03-20T19:04:00.001+08:00

…this was not the usual day i always have,.. not just because i’m on my home again, not just because i had paused in stressful moments in UPLB, not just because i not with my dormates…,

i don’t even know why…

anyways.., i have been with my WOW friends a while ago.., in fact we had spent an overnight with andeng’s house in san mateo.., they also had their lunch on mine.., we also had planned to go to shenggay’s but we failed to because i've been so desperate to pass my concept paper in SoSc2.., it’s different.. i mean i had never felt this feeling before… like being welcomed by a family i had never imagined i’ll know before.., but, i had to admit, they’re good, definitely…,

i went home at around 4pm… i brought my family a dozen of Dunkin’ Donuts.., X-)…

and now, i’m typing my first ever blog in my (considered) online diary…

hurray!… at least now, i know why is it different…

i’m feeling someone (other than God) is watching over my life…, (lol)

it’s a good sensation to know that someone is concerned with your life even if you had known her only for a sem.., i really like her.., her views, ideas, thoughts and everything..,

if i’ll be asked about someone who made a real impact on my life.., i believed its her… she was the one who recommended that we must have at least one blogsite..,

thank God, i met her.., this first blog is for the recognition of my SoSc2 Instructor Ms. Jinky Bagagñan.., thank you very much ma’am for being a part of my life.., for making me realized that not all we do in life may not be a natural thing…

i may not show how much i’m interested on your teaching but i’m assuring you i have learned so much.., not so much academically but i’ve learned to live a life on my way and perspective… thank you very much ma’am…

maybe.., that’s the reason why i feel unusual right now.., i have discovered new things.., and i’m living what i had learned…

My first ever blog...

2008-03-20T14:25:00.001+08:00

march 20, 2008 (2:27pm)

guys... saya!.. the feeling is so wonderful..

may online diary na ako at last...

sa mga classmates ko sa SoSc2, dormates sa FOREHA at iba pang friends sa UPLB at Balara HighSchool,.. Mabuhay taung lahat!!!